God Teaches Us Through Our Experiences

I have not written a blog post in a while. Life has been insane, and I wanted to share with you some of the big things that have been going on in my life and what God has been teaching me and reminding me through these things.

First off, about fourteen weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant with my second. This is such exciting news! I was not expecting it, but was hoping for it. Well, I was only about three weeks pregnant when I found out, and honestly, I was not expecting to experience any major symptoms until I was several weeks in. Oh boy, was I wrong. about two weeks later, I started feeling an incredible amount of nausea every single day that didn't go away. It just stayed there almost the entire day. I'm sure some of you have maybe experienced this before, whether during pregnancy or just a sickness of some kind, and surely, we can all relate when I say that it was TERRIBLE. Not only was I experiencing nausea, but I also had major fatigue. It didn't matter how much sleep I got the night before, I literally felt like I hadn't slept in days. Dealing with all of this while raising a high-maintenance, stubborn, and high-energy toddler was the hardest thing I have done mentally and emotionally. Fast forward to the present time, my pregnancy symptoms are either very mild or basically non-existent some days. I am so grateful to have an easier pregnancy this time. That's the first thing that happened in this series of tests the Lord was giving me.

Now, the next thing that happened was in the middle of the sickness and tiredness. We switched my two-and-a-half-year-old over to a "big boy bed." The first week and a half was easy. He slept like he normally did - through the night and slept in too. It was great.. until it wasn't. After that first week and a half, there was one Friday morning that Markham woke up and discovered that he could just leave his bed and come find me. You see, before he switched to his "big boy bed", Markham was still "trapped" to where he couldn't get out of his bed. When he discovered that he could now simply get up and leave the room, he was excited. At first, I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but my thoughts drastically changed that night. That same evening, Markham woke up every few hours and sometimes left, got up from his bed, and came and found me. I got maybe two hours of sleep that night. Thankfully, I didn't have to go to my part-time job the next day. This continued on for two or so weeks. That may not sound like long, but if every single night, you are getting two to four hours of choppy sleep, two weeks feels like forever. It got to a point where I was falling asleep while standing in the kitchen or sitting on the floor playing with him. Markham was inconsolable pretty often, having accidents all the time, and simply wasn't functioning properly. I had to call in to work one day because we were struggling so incredibly much. Finally reaching out to our doctor, I was told of some home remedies to try that helped some.

The last thing that happened does not even feel like a big deal compared to the other two experiences I mentioned above, but it is part of my main points here. Markham now sleeps completely fine in his new bed and doesn't wake up often, if at all, during the night. PRAISE JESUS! The only thing that I am having to adjust to now is that he is no longer sleeping in. This really is not a big deal, but it has felt like an adjustment. He has started waking up anywhere from 4:30 to 6:00 every day, and before, he was waking up around 8:00 to 9:00, except for the days I worked. This has been quite the adjustment, as it now feels like I don't get much time to mentally decompress until later at night. This has made for some rough mornings and long days as I have learned to adapt to this new routine.

From the constant sickness to the almost non-existent sense of peace and rest to the selfishly wanting mornings to myself, God has taught me an incredible amount, and I want to share a few of those things with you. Firstly, He showed me what I did wrong. Instead of glorifying God amidst the sickness and exhaustion and allowing the Spirit to show me how to rest in His presence, I allowed anger and negativity to rise in my heart and shoot out at my son and my husband. I was snapping at my son often, and I was grumbling and complaining to my husband the moment he came home from work. I began to resent God for not "fixing" the problem. I was so tired that I didn't feel like I had the energy to open my Bible, yet what I should have done was talk to God about my struggles and ask the Spirit to guide me on how to pursue Him even when I am quite literally exhausted. I went from Holy Spirit-filled and driven to someone who had layers of walls between her and God now. When it came to my mornings of being woken up way earlier than I expected and desired, I grumbled and complained more. I played the "oh woe is me" card more than I should have. What I should have realized immediately is that no matter how tired I am early in the morning, I don't need to waste this precious time with my son. It is one of the most adorable things to hear his little feet walk into our room and hear him say, "Hi, Mom!" I love it. At least now I do.

Whether or not you can relate to me with my experiences that I've talked about, I know that many, if not all of you, can relate to some of the spiritual struggles I've been having. So here are the big takeaways. No matter what is going on in your life, allow God to show you through His Word, through prayer, through the Spirit, and through other people and things how you should think and act. Humble yourself to sit at His feet and give all emotions and control over to Him. That is when you will experience true growth and peace. It's not easy, but it's essential. The last thing I want to say may be the most important. Give yourself some grace. You are a human being who messes up. So give yourself some grace and allow God to pick you back up and show you where to go and what to do.